The Anatomy of a Joke - (How to Write a Great Joke!)

Want to add a few jokes to your next written piece? No problem. As a professional stand-up comedienne and writer who stays afloat by selling volumes of jokes each month (Clinton's antics paid my mortgage and Bush isn't doing too badly either), I'll pass on some joke writing tips that'll send you in the right direction. Since there are no formal "rules" to joke writing, I've made up my own. . .

Jokes involve a set-up with the subject and facts, and a punch line that highlights the irony, twists the joke in another direction, or gives an outrageous result.

RULE 1: Use familiarity, word associations and common assumptions. We know Strom Thurmond is old (okay, dead, but I like these examples, so play along), Liz Taylor is chubby, etc. So take your subject and list phrases, synonyms, stereotypes, sayings, people, places and things connected with it. If you do this when writing an age joke for example, and you want to describe how old someone is, then just list words you associate with old... and you may get - "I won't say he's old, but he babysat Strom Thurmond." Or when trying to describe how chubby someone is, list out chubby people or things and you might get "I won't say she's chubby, but she gives her hand-me-downs to Liz Taylor." You get the picture. Using an analogy is funnier than just saying someone is chubby or old. Also use familiar set-ups like "he's so cheap...," "this town is so expensive..."and brainstorm what things are cheap, expensive, etc. to get some comparisons.

RULE 2: Exaggerate things to the extreme. Saying Liz Tyalor is 400 pounds is funny, but it may be too close to the truth. Saying she weighs 1200 pounds is funnier because the picture of a 1200-pound woman is, just, well, funny. (Besides, noooobody weighs 1200 pounds, so you're pretty safe... even 400 pound people will laugh at that one.)

RULE 3: Be brief. Bill Cosby can go on for hours with a single joke. The rest of us should only include facts in the set-up that NEED to be there for the punch to work. Delete unneeded adjectives and prepositional phrases, so that all words pertain to the punch line. I try to keep my jokes to 3 typed lines (not 3 sentences, but 3 lines). When you make a crack about Britney Spears fighting with Kevin Federline, her ex-husband, you don't really need to say "her ex-husband." Pretty much everyone knows his status. Really, less is better... unless you're Bill Cosby.

RULE 4: Show the irony. That's what you're really trying to do is pull out the irony in a situation. Look at it as a good news/bad news... find the irony by listing out all the good and bad in a situation, either real or made-up, and then match them up to see the inconsistencies. "The good news is we're giving out free tickets to the buffet. The bad news is, you'll be in line behind Liz Taylor."

RULE 5: Twist the joke. Give out a real fact in the set up, and make up a crazy (exaggerated) fact in the punch line. A lot of times punch lines are grouped in threes with the crazy fact at the end. Three things just seems to have a good cadence.

RULE 6: Speaking of punch lines, make sure the last word, or pretty darn close to the last word, is the zinger punch line. No prepositional phrases or other words after that word. Really, I'm not kidding. See these examples of jokes I sold:

"A new study has found that the anti-anxiety drug fluvoxamine is effective in relieving anxiety in school-age children. Of course, it's not quite as effective as getting their braces off."

The words "their teeth" don't need to be included because we already get it and it would just slow down the joke.

"The first bloodless surgery was performed this week in which a kid who is a Jehovah's Witness got a new liver without a blood transfusion. The parents were so happy, they almost celebrated!"

The word "celebrated" is the punch... no need to say "celebrated his survival" because we already get it and it would just slow down the joke.

RULE 7: The "Cuh" sound. A general comedy rumor is that words with the "c" or "k" sound are funny. Who knows if this is true, but ya gotta admit, the names Chuck and Cletus are funnier than Steve and Stuart. (especially if Chuck and Cletus are dating Liz Taylor... no?)

There are many more joke tips, but these will get you started so that people will read your material and you'll achieve fame, fortune, and timely car payments!

Jan McInnis, The Work Lady, is a corporate comedian and comedy writer who has performed at hundreds of private events, flying Southwest A LOT. She was recently featured in the ?Wall Street Journal? as one of the ?popular convention comedians.? Jan also sells comedy material to radio & TV daily, and she can be reached at http://www.TheWorkLady.com

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Writing 101: Can You Write A Joke?

Can you write a joke? Starting from an existing joke might help. We'll give it a try with five bar jokes. I've condensed these from Aha Jokes.* Here we go!

Existing Bar Joke #1

A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking. In self-defense the man says, "Who told you that drinking is bad?"

Nun: Mother Superior told me.

Man: So, have you ever tried it?

Nun: No, I haven't ever taken a drink of hard liquor.

Man: Well, don't criticize me if you haven't tried it. I'll tell you what; if you try it and don't like it I'll give up drinking for life.

Nun: Okay but bring it in a tea cup. I don't want people thinking I'm drinking.

The man goes up to the bartender and says, "Bring me a couple of shots of vodka but bring one of them in a tea cup." The bartender looked at the man and said, "Is that nun in here again?"

New Bar Joke #1

A nun is bored stiff and she starts drinking the sacramental wine. The priest, who had noticed that wine was disappearing, was getting ready for mass one day when there was no wine at all. He said to the nun, "Those alter boys have been in the wine again. This has to stop. I will put them up for public display during mass. Run out and get some wine!" The nun went out for the wine and as she hustled along the street she said I've got the boys in trouble. I prey Lord, what should I do? A voice said The boys are young and they can take the heat. It was a woman's voice and the nun was confused. Could the Lord speak like a woman, a woman who seemed out of breath? In the liquor store. when she went to pay for the wine. she realized that she had brought no money. She again heard an out-of-breath woman's voice say The Lord will provide. She took the wine without paying and hurried back to the church getting there just in time for the sacrament service. Before she could tell the priest about the woman's voice, the priest whispered to her, "You left without the money. I guess Mother Superior caught up to you."

Existing Bar Joke #2

A shabby drunk asks a priest outside a bar, "What causes arthritis?" The priest hastily answers, "Too much drinking, too many women, and hanging out in bars." Realizing that he might have humiliated the man, he said, "I'm sorry. I hope you didn't take what I said personally." The drunk said, "Not at all. I was referring to the news I saw on the TV in the window of the television store. The pope has arthritis."

New Bar Joke #2

A priest sees a shabbily dressed vagrant limping down the street. He goes up to him and says, "Can I help you?" The old man says, "I've had to get along on my own since the Korean War, dodging bullets, and diving into roadside ditches." The priest said, "Did you get any medals?" The mans said, "I've got a metal plate in my head." The priest took the man to a refuge and told the manager to take good care of the man because he was a Korean War hero. The manager said, "I know this man and his stories. He stays here every night. The only bullets he ever dodged are the ones from Interstate 5 where he gathers aluminum cans to sell to the recycling center."

Existing Bar Joke #3

A bar has a daily visitor born in Ireland. He always has three drinks then leaves. He says that he drinks for himself and his two brothers in Ireland. One day he comes in and has only two drinks. The bartender, thinking a brother had died, asks him why only two drinks and he says, "I gave up drinking."

New Bar Joke #3

An Irishman and a Scotsman are lost in the Sahara. The Irishman says, "I think I can see a bar." The Scotsman says, "We've got plenty of water so don't go running off to a mirage." A while later the Irishman comes staggering back plastered to the gills. The Scotsman said, "My God! You did find a bar." The Irishman said, "No, you were right. It was just a mirage, but I drank anyway."

Existing Bar Joke #4

A man comes into a bar with a dog and the bartender says, "Get that mutt out of here!" The man says, "This is my seeing-eye dog and he can go into public places. The bartender agrees. A second man comes into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first man whispers to him, "You will have to say that is your seeing-eye dog." The second man does so and the bartender says, " A Chihuahua is NOT a seeing-eye dog!" The second man says, "What! They gave me a damned Chihuahua!"

New Bar Joke #4

A man brings a dog and a cat into a bar and orders milk for the cat and red wine for the dog. The bartender says, "We don't serve animals. Get those critters out of here." The man says, "I'll give you a dollar if you will just bring the wine and the milk." The bartender says, "Okay, but then you got to get out." The man gives the milk to the dog and the cat helps the dog lap it up. The man drinks the wine and starts to lleave the bar. The bartender says, "Wait! You owe me $7.50." The man says, "What do you mean. You agreed to one dollar."

Existing Bar Joke #5

A man says to the bartender, "Want to see something different?" The bartender says "yes" and the man takes a small piano out of his pocket, then a mouse who plays the piano. Then he takes a frog out of his pocket. The mouse plays the piano and the frog sings. A patron of the bar says he wants to buy the frog. He offers more and more money until the first man finally sells the frog for $500,000.00. When the buyer left the bar with his new frog the bartender says, "You could have got a million for a frog like that. The man said, "Nah! The mouse is the ventriloquist."

New Bar Joke #5

A man goes into a bar and has a drink. When he starts to leave without paying, the mans says, "Can anyone give me change for a $1000.00 bill?" Everybody look at him as if he were crazy but one old man dressed in a Brooks Brothers suit says, "I can give it to you." The man pays the bartender and walks out of the bar. The bartender says, "Hey, that guy never gave you the $1000 bill and he walked out of here with all that money." The old man said, "Don't worry about it. I work at the bank and I could see the guy is a forger. The $1000.00 bill was a phony." The bartender said, "What about the money--" The old man ran out of the bar yelling, "POLICE!"

Okay, it's your turn to write some jokes!

*http://www.ahajokes.com

copyright©2007 John Taylor Jones, Ph.D.

John T. Jones, Ph.D. (tjbooks@hotmail.com), a retired college professor and business executive, Former editor of an international engineering magazine. To learn more about Wealthy Affiliate University go to his info site. If you desire a flagpole to Fly Old Glory, go to the business site.

More info: http://www.InternetBusinessToolCenter.com

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